“We want to get married because we want to
avoid zina”
That is what common sentences utter by our
people nowadays, especially youth. Even though it is partially true, but we
need to be sure that it is not the only intention they have. Marriage in Islam
is generally defined as a social and legal relationship intended to strengthen
and extend family relationships (Huda, 2019). In making the marriage successful
till the death set them part, there are a lot of things need to be compromised,
sacrificed and discussed. Though we do not deny that Love is something that we
need in order to make the marriage goes on, merely LOVE is not enough. Once I
have heard in a talk, saying that marriage is like two different people, with
two different ambitions and passions, objectives and goals with two different
paces, going in the same way, on the same cart. Thus, they need to compromise,
sacrifice and communicate a lot so that they would be able to go to the destination,
in the same path and built up a new same firm objective and goal. Like it or
not, both of them need to sacrifice – Once the wife needs to follow the
husband’s pace, the other day, the husband needs to follow the wife’s pace. Both of them need to help each
other out so that the cart they are using would not break. Furthermore, I believe
that every couple would want to have children in the family, thus expecting
more and more people on the cart is not an easy job to do.
Engagement
like marriage. This issue has not received much attention, but in the view
of Islam, this is a big problem. Engagement or khitbah is known as a preliminary
stage of marriage. The purpose of having engagement is to give time for the
couple to get to know each other in an honourable way while preparing for their
marriage. Engagement is made to avoid
any third party to ask a hand for the girl. However, it is still not permissible
for them to have any skinship, going out without mahram of the girl and there
shall be no sexual intercourse between them. Thus, the engagement should not be
publicized as grand as marriage, rather our prophet PBUH once said “conceal the
engagement and proclaim the marriage” (Riwayat al-Imam al-Dailami in Musnad al-Firdaus) However,
people nowadays goes the other way around. Engagement ceremonies are so grand that
people can easily misinterpret it to be wedding ceremonies. Money is spent so
much and unnecessarily. Thus, I think people should revise this part as engagement
is considered as the door for marriage.
Our people nowadays
have developed a new way of approaching marriage. Marriage might be a personal
thing and years back, talking about marriage in a public setting would seem very
abnormal. But yes, time changed. People started to talk about their marriage
life and problems in social media. They started to open up their partner’s
fault in public especially whenever they felt like something goes wrong. Maybe not
all married couples are like that, but those who open up like that would most
probably end up in divorce state, especially public figures, artists or celebrities
who like to have publicity. This is like a short cut to having them all in one. This
is a very wrong trend of marriage civilized people should ever have, especially
when we are known as Muslims. Though broadcasting marriage life like this should
not happen, revealing domestic violence is the opposite matter. If someone,
especially the wife, had received domestic abuse, be it physically, mentally or
verbally, they should report it to the police so that the authorities can take
proper action. Thus, married couples should have some knowledge of what to share
and what not to share with the public.
In conclusion, before getting into
marriage, people should properly consider their intention on why they want to
get married, seek knowledge and try to shape their personality properly. Hukm
marriage in Islam is not only Sunnah, but it can also be wajib, harus,
makruh and haram depending on the situation and the ability of the individual
to take the responsibility as a husband and as a wife. They should always
prepare themselves for any test throughout the marriage, especially in the
first 5 years of marriage where it is said to be the most crucial phase of
marriage life. They also need to avoid any wrong trends and choose wisely ways to
resolve their problems.
REFERENCES
Huda, (2019). Islamic Marriage and Involvement of Friends and
Family. Learn Religion. Retrieved from https://www.learnreligions.com/islamic-marriage-2004443
Pejabat Mufti Wilayah Persekutuan. (Jan 16, 2017). Irsyad
Al-Fatwa ke-163: Hukum Menyembunyikan Pertunangan. Retrieved from https://muftiwp.gov.my/ms/artikel/irsyad-fatwa/irsyad-fatwa-umum/2075-irsyad-al-fatwa-ke-163-hukum-menyembunyikan-pertunangan
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